


I'm Young

by thatonetacokid



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, I'm just writing what came to my mind like a week ago, Let's see how this goes, but aren't we all at some point, i apologize for the fact that i'm going to fuck up jungyeon's heart, if i spelled his name wrong punch me, nayeon is a super dumbass, title inspired by taehyun's solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:26:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonetacokid/pseuds/thatonetacokid
Summary: Chaeyoung never thought following her heart would cause her the most pain she had ever felt in her life not when falling in love with Nayeon was the most easiest and wonderful thing in the world.





	1. Reality

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about nachaeng. I hope I can make you feel some feelings also.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited on 12/30/17

She doesn't remember when it starts, the crush she means, she doesn't remember at all. It could have been when in rough and tough competition with one another, Nayeon's smile towards her was genuine and pure playful. Or it could have been when they saw each other at the bath house in the city, no make-up, no regular clothes, and Chaeyoung still found Im Nayeon to be breathtakingly gorgeous. Maybe it was their official debut, all nine of them in their pajamas, Chaeyoung knowing that Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and Nayeon herself went through many more years than she herself did to get to this day, the shine in the bunny-like girl's eyes as she watched herself upon their tv screen. Chaeyoung knows there are many more moments, knows that what she feels for her eldest unnie is something bigger than a crush.

She feels the beginning of love stirring around in her heart, love for a beautiful, talented, playful Im Nayeon. So on a late early winter night her courage comes to her, adrenaline runs through her veins as she hops down from her bed. She moves swiftly along the ground, almost a floating feeling. She takes in a deep breath as she knocks on the shared room of Nayeon, Mina, Sana, and Jihyo and pops her head in to find the princess in her story, laying in sana's lap; looking towards her with no expression. Chaeyoung speaks clearing, asking for Nayeon to come with her into the kitchen. The eldest complied, giving chaeyoung a soft closed lipped smile right before she took a hold of the hand the shorter member had held out for her. 

Once inside the kitchen Chaeyoung felt as if she had fully become a plate of gelatin, wobbly, unstable, yet she stayed in place; both of her hands intertwined with Nayeon's. She looks up, into the older girls eyes, and her heart spills, "I don't know when it began, and I know you'll find this to be crazy but i cannot hold what I feel back anymore," She lets a shaky exhale leave her, "I'm in love with you, I just realized this, not a 'i love you, you're my best friend', but, 'i love you and want you to be mine always," Chaeyoung swallows, "this isn't a joke, I have liked you for a very long time Im Nayeon, and I think I could fall very deeply in love with you, or well I am beginning to, so please have me." She gives Nayeon's hands a hard squeeze as a bubble of laughter escapes her.

Chaeyoung had confessed, she had tugged nayeon away from all of her members and told her every feeling that her heart has for her. She felt her body illuminating happiness because this was it, this was when nayeon would tug her by the shirt and would kiss her until her lungs felt shriveled. Yet, nayeon stood before her, unmoved, emotionless, uncomfortable; Nayeon wasn't happy. 

Nayeon had spoke softly and clearly; how it wouldn't work, she was too young, they couldn't risk everyone else's dream because of some crush, she didn't love her like that; Nayeon didn't want her like that. The rush of regret surged throughout her veins, she could feel cracks begin to form into her heart as it pounded against her chest, legs began to tremble as did her lips. Chaeyoung attempted a smile, though she knew it would look more like a grimace, and nodded quickly, "I understand," her throat cleared, "I understand." she turned away, arms firm at her sides, palms clenched as she moved swiftly to her room. she knew she couldn't get mad; nayeon was her member, her unnie, her friend. She couldn't get mad, she wasn't mad. A rejection is a rejection and she had to grow up. 

She laid upon her bed, tossing and turning; holding in every negative emotion inside so that tzuyu and dahyun wouldn't awake and question her. she looked at the digital clock to the left of her: 3:34 a.m and in a couple hours they would all awake. she needed a drink, water, just a glass; then she could force herself to sleep. She walked out of her room and towards the kitchen without any problem, she thinks that maybe shorter people have more of an advantage to have quiet feet, that's the only positive she has found from her short genes. Right before the entry into the kitchen, quiet breathing could be heard from the living room. It was harsh, deep, almost impatient but quiet. With a another quiet step she looked and her eyes widened at the sight she was presented with: Nayeon, the nayeon she had confessed to, had poured her burning heart out to, kissing Jeongyeon; she was _ **kissing**_ Jeongyeon. 

Her tears fell down without any way to stop them, she swallowed harshly in disgust, Nayeon's hands ran through jeong's hair recklessly as Jeongyeon attentively sucked and nipped down on Nayeon's pulse point. She felt numb, this was the reality she didn't see. Jeongyeon was the reason why Nayeon didn't want her, didn't love her. Though no part of her felt anger towards Jeongyeon. Chaeyoung had never once let her feelings towards Nayeon spill out to any of the other members and even if they did, she in no way was any sort of competition to Yoo Jeongyeon. She was more mad at Nayeon who had told her that she wouldn't, couldn't risk their careers for her. Where here she was still risking by being with Jeongyeon. So, when their eyes met, when Nayeon saw her looking, there was no pushing away, no gasp of surprise; Nayeon told her to go harder, to mark her, to touch her. The moans got louder, she could see her hips roll against Jeongyeon; yet Nayeon was only looking at her. The dark, thrilled, and lust plastered in Nayeon's eyes was only directed towards her. It was with the revelation that she felt her blood move rapidly throughout her once again, her mind clearing itself. She moved herself away abruptly  and headed back into her shared room and she could swear she heard nayeon whimper ' _don't'_

 

 

Waking up at six in the morning with Jeongyeon holding her possessively wasn't the way she wanted to wake up. A lot of things were happening that Nayeon didn't want. Chaeyoung wasn't supposed to feel like she did, wasn't supposed to love her like she did. Chaeyoung wasn't supposed to catch her with Jeongyeon. Nayeon wasn't supposed to find Chaeyoung watching her so thrilling. Jeongyeon wasn't supposed to confess beforehand, and wasn't supposed to kiss Nayeon like she did. Most of all, Nayeon wasn't supposed to be thinking about how chaeyoung would have been kissing her if she had just said yes...

Dry lips kiss the side of her head gently, she looks at Jeongyeon with careful eyes and sees how the blonde girl looks at her as if her beating heart is on edge of her fingertips. She smiles gently and whispers softly, "We need to get up, I hear the others moving about and you know how they'll get if they see us like this." The taller girl removes herself from Nayeon and gives her a tiny peck on the side of her lips, "I'll be in the kitchen, go to your room and change quickly." Nayeon's stomach turns as she nods gently. She shouldn't dislike it as much as she does, she shouldn't still be thinking about chaeyoung as much as she is, yet as Jeongyeon leaves the room she quickly walks to the maknae lines room.

She gives a gentle knock and looks at Tzu and dubu who in return give her small tired smiles. She looks to see Chaeyoung still soundly asleep in her bed causing her to quickly motion the two younger ones to let her wake up the sleepy cub and they head out and down to the kitchen with no suspicion. She walks to chae's bed and hopes to not awake her but a gentle voice makes her jump, "You shouldn't be here," Chaeyoung sits herself up, "I don't want you near me right now unnie, please leave." Nayeon doesn't back away, she moves closer and sits on the younger girls bed. Chaeyoung looks warm, she's everything her heart yearns for. She feels the younger girl come closer, her forehead leaning against the side of hers. Her breath is hot and nayeon wants her to bite down on her ear, she wants Chaeyoung to mark her, to get rid of the mark Jeongyeon has made because through the whole ordeal she had always just wanted it to be chaeyoung. So she grabs onto Chaeyoung's shirt and she pleads, "Don't make me leave when you know what you want to do to me." 

The tight invisible rope that holds the young cub rips and she squeezes her hands against Nayeon's hips. She pulls her on the bed and has her looking straight at her. Confessing was supposed to be so fucking easy, denial was supposed to be final and not a lie, Chaeyoung was mad; infuriated that Nayeon would come to her after repeating how everything that she said was just some bullshit that young inexperienced kids say. She knew the beating in her chest that she was having right now was because through all the hatred she fucking loved having Nayeon beg for her, she loved nayeon. She wanted to do anything her unnie begged for, she wanted to make her fucking scream but how could she when the dark purple mark illuminated against her skin and made her remember who Nayeon chose. So she pushes her with every ounce of strength and tells nayeon harshly, "I confessed, you denied, you lied, and you chose so _**no**_ I won't ever give you what you want, not until you admit to everyone _ **who you really want**_." Tears were running down her face again as a pained laugh escapes her lips, "it's funny how reality works doesn't it unnie, maybe you'll one day wake up to yours and I won't want you anymore."


	2. A Wall That Is Crashing Down Too Quickly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is an entirely new chapter two. I didn't like how I was writing this the first time around so I am changing it a bit. Just trying to improve my writing. hopefully you all can enjoy. chapter three should be up within some days.

The final month of 2017 passed by Chaeyoung like a blur. She's thankful for that though, thankful for the non-stop schedules that make her unable to remember how destroyed she actually feels. Though she knows that the girls are worried about her, she wears her emotions upon her sleeve without being able to hide it. Chaeyoung doesn't tell any of them the truth though, just says that she's missing her mom more often than usual; which really is only a tiny white lie. She can't sleep these days either, runs on 3 hours the most when she's having a decent day.

She's blocked out what her members sound like, what they look like; well to a certain point that is. She's a idol who sings with 8 other human beings, with choreo. It's mostly at home, or when they are all having down time in a waiting room. Music along with writing and drawing have become her new best friends; she's surviving.

 

nothing good lasts though.

 

It's her fault really, Dahyun had caught her awake at four in the morning asking her why she had woken up this early and without a thought Chaeyoung had answered that she hadn't slept at all. She informed the other girls without her knowledge later that day which in turn made them all corner her in her hotel room they were staying at in japan. The clear view of all eight of them around this time was almost surreal to her, so much so that she could only hear ringing in her ears as they all spoke rapidly and sternly at her. 

Thankfully Jihyo seems to notice and makes them all calm down before she shakes Chaeyoung to her senses. It's Mina's voice she hears clearly first, her head snaps quickly to the other bed in the room. She's met with soft worried eyes looking into hers as the older girl speaks up again with, "why did Dahyun tell us that you were up all night, last night?" It's such a simple question but it makes her heart begin to hit her ribcage harshly. Her throat feels so tight, she can't breathe in any air through her nostrils; she's panicking. 

Suddenly a hand is wrapped around her wrist, it's cold, the fingers are long; it's nayeon and her stomach is lurching so much it makes her let out a strangled groan of pain. Nayeon's hand is gone and a body is now warmly wrapped around her, instantly she sighs and her body shuts down. 

 

a soft voice whispers into her ear, "get some sleep chaeyoungie, i won't leave you." and she listens well because it's tzuyu.

-

-

Nayeon looks around the room at the girls who all are looking to Chaeyoung curled asleep into tzuyu with looks of horror. she herself was terrified, the sound Chaeyoung had made the instant her hand wrapped around the younger girls wrist was painful. As if Nayeon's hand was covered in acid. She knows why, knows that this is because of her. She knows that Chaeyoung hasn't been sleeping, knows why she rarely looks at any of them. Chaeyoung's age is that of an adult but in matters of the heart she is a child, Nayeon broke a young heart.

Out of her thoughts she now realizes that Jeongyeon has pulled her into her lap and she wants to puke. She doesn't want this, doesn't like this; her eyes look back to the two youngest cuddled together and she despises the sight. She still hears the instant sigh that escaped Chaeyoung's lips once tzuyu wrapped herself around the smallest. It breaks her that she isn't the one anymore, how Chaeyoung won't sigh in contentment because of her. It's why Nayeon, in realization of the shitty outcome that has only happened because of her own stupid actions, rises up from Jeongyeon's lap. She doesn't care what the eyes of her members could be seeing her as or what their minds could be thinking about her as she exits the room and goes to hers. 

She shuts her door with the right amount of strength, to make sure that no one could come in, that no one could hear her, unless they had the key. She holds onto the cold door knob tightly, not letting go until she allows herself to slide to the floor. Nayeon sits in her room in silence, counts the individual ticks of the clock that is shown vividly in her mind. She waits awhile, a good ten minutes, so she can know for certain that Jeongyeon doesn't plan to come and bombard her with questions. Nayeon stands up slowly, feels the heaviness in her heart spreading throughout her body causing her to move in what she thinks must be slow-motion. Her body curls itself into a ball the instant it hits the soft hotel bed. Nayeon lets out her own pain that she has held in for the past two weeks; tears stream down her face, she gasps out and squeezes her sides in looking for a way to find out how to not feel in so much pain.

So, she thinks about Chaeyoung, wonders about her pain and knows that it must have been tearing her apart before finally breaking just as she is. Nayeon hates herself, hates the fact that she can't go back in time and stop herself from accepting Jeongyeon's confession. She loves Chaeyoung, wants Chaeyoung the way she has Jeongyeon. She wants to be selfish, wants to be stupid. Nayeon doesn't want to care about hurting Jeongyeon, she wouldn't care if telling the truth meant that Chaeyoung's eyes would look at her with love like they did that day in December.

Be selfish, her mind repeats; let yourself be happy. Let Chaeyoung be happy with you; Jeongyeon doesn't have to know, she never has to know. And it all repeats through the two hours she lay curled into a ball upon her bed until she hears a card key being accepted by her door. Her body turns and lifts itself up to see Jihyo looking at her. It tears her apart as she looks deeply into her best friend's eyes, seeing how hurt and how confused they are. Jihyo's voice is almost a whisper as she tells her that Chaeyoung as awoken, that she wants Nayeon to be there too so that Chaeyoung can feel safe enough to want to tell them what is going on with her. The feeling of wanting to throw up again hits her hard, she feels like a walking devil because she knows, because she is the reason. Yet, she cannot speak out about it, doesn't want to.

All of the girls had just found out that she and Jeongyeon were an item, even their staff knew. All because she was allowing to let Jeongyeon run this relationship that they had but she didn't want to be a part of. Nayeon bites down her tongue, nods without a response to Jihyo, and follows her back into the room that Chaeyoung is staying in. She walks in carefully, she feels her body aching in pain; it fades quickly, fades when she sees chaeyoung again, when their eyes meet. In that moment, Nayeon decides that she needs to be selfish. She loves Chaeyoung and fuck every single god that could possibly exist if they think they're going to never let her have her. She was going to make Chaeyoung see that the only one she would ever want was her; she was going to make Chaeyoung want her again too.

-

-

Goosebumps arise throughout every surface upon her body when she looks into Nayeon's eyes. The eldest girl was such a beautiful mystery and even if her heart was broken by her, that didn't mean the strong feelings just disappeared. Nayeon came closer to her, curled herself into her left side. She was burning, Nayeon was scarring her skin just by mere touch. She still hadn't explained to the girls as to why she was acting the way she was, and she didn't really know how without spilling the whole truth out. All of them except Nayeon were looking at her, waiting for her to speak; how could she when she hadn't really spoke for the past weeks? Her left side was squeezed tightly, her head turned and her eyes looked at Nayeon laying upon her shoulder. She realized that Nayeon was telling her that she needed to speak, that she needed to say something because she was worrying every one of her members. 

Chaeyoung cleared her throat loudly, "I know you want me to explain why I have been so distant with all of you," She swallowed carefully as she felt nayeon's fingers trying to dig into her sweater covered back, "honestly I don't think I know myself, I should know but all I can tell you is that I just was in a state of deep depression that I cannot really explain." acid bubbles formed inside of her stomach and moved way up into her chest as she felt the warm breath of Nayeon hitting the left side of her throat and Tzuyu's cold breath hitting the right side. Chaeyoung couldn't stop the very obvious shiver that ran down her spine which caused Nayeon to hum happily before playing with the baby hairs on the back of Chaeyoung's neck. It made Chaeyoung forget to speak, forget that she was trying to put her member at ease.

She forgot everything as she moved in more closely to Nayeon who was now cuddled into her neck. Nayeon smelled like freshly opened sprite with just a dash of fresh cotton. Chaeyoung had forgotten how hypnotized Nayeon could make her, and although she wants to say she is thankful when she hears the loud cough that brings her back to reality, truthfully it just makes her want to cuss loudly and yank Nayeon out of this room to somewhere else. Though, when she realizes that the cough had come from Jeongyeon, she feels her heart hit her ribcage painfully. 

Chaeyoung runs a hand through her hair, she knows that she is blushing but still she lets out a long breath of air and continues, "I promise you that it was none of you that put me like this," Internally she scoffs at her own words because she knows that it's all a load of bullshit but the last thing she wants is for the truth to come out. "Let's just move on from this, I swear if i feel like this again I will come to one of you and I won't bottle everything up." She looks into the eyes of all of her members, making sure that she will see their relief. Most of them do, most except Jihyo, Jeongyeon, and Nayeon. Nayeon she can understand but knowing that she isn't able to lie through Jeongyeon and Jihyo makes her anxious, anxious that they could know that Nayeon is a key factor as to how she got so depressed.

Thankfully they all hug her tightly, all tell her that they love her more than anything. Yet, as she lets herself be hugged by Nayeon, she feels that things could go badly because of how she lets herself drown in the eldest's warmth and how Nayeon's nails dig into her sides, quietly saying something that she knows shouldn't be said but it sets her on fire in the most pleasant way. The ropes that she thought she could keep tightly around her are ripping rapidly, and Chaeyoung doesn't know if she's mad about it at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you would like, you can follow me on:  
> twitter: @twicestacokid  
> tumblr: goldenboytae  
> or, if you would want to ask me questions/just tell me random rad stuff, just go to the curiouscat link that is on my twitter bio.


	3. Hurricanes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to understand more about jeongyeon and her roll within this story.

Internally, Jeongyeon finds herself being destroyed like a hurricane. Her nails grip onto her own flesh, teeth gritted together; making sure the venom that threatens to spit from her throat doesn't escape. Days begin and they end, Jeongyeon feigns her sanity. She smiles, laughs and jokes.

 

Nayeon tight by her side when she comes within reach, her destroyed and emotion-filled eyes scream into the dismissive eyes of the love of her life. Jeongyeon attempts to fill her ache with the soft pecks that nayeon will give in moments of passing, her hand will intertwine and squeeze just hoping that Nayeon will whisper words of comfort.

 

She silently and violently screams out for nayeon to want to read her, to reassure her, to want, to lust, and to love her. The days are so busy, she thumps her head over and over, each night against the shower of her hotel room. Her mind tries to picture the paths of the water that run down her back with simplicity, hair still half dry, her throat stuck.

 

Jeongyeon pictures Chaeyoung, pictures her with Nayeon, and her nails run harshly along her collarbones. She's always known, known since the trainee days of all three of them together. Her heart hits her chest in pain as she allows herself to move, her face full under the shower head. Jeongyeon knows of the secret glances that each of them would give while the other would be preoccupied, unknowing of how their feelings were much more than just mutual.

 

The abrupt knock had her staring down at the porcelain floor, the authoritative voice of one of their many managers telling her to get a move on because she had been in there far longer than needed. Immediately she turned the nobs and now the bathroom only held the sound of her breathing. She got out calmly, dried herself thoroughly, and wrapped herself; all the while her mind could only picture her girlfriend in a heated lip-lock with the girl she truly loved.

 

The steps she took back out to the room seems almost out of body, she could see herself in such an internal war. Who was she supposed to talk with? How do you say that your conflicted on whether you think holding back two people from being with each other for your own selfish reason is justified? She knows she can't.

 

In a way, she loves having this control, loves bringing such agony to both of them. It's more of a demon she keeps about herself locked away, and never intended on letting out. Yet, it was so easy. Jeongyeon hadn't fallen before Chaeyoung, it was more, the observation of why Chaeyoung was falling in love made her fall in love with Nayeon too.

 

 Though, Jeongyeon felt that surely Chaeyoung would confess so that way she could bury what she did not want. Nothing came along, no confession from either side. Jeongyeon continued to fall, and she saw that so did Chaeyoung. Time passed and it passed and all she could see was the girl she wanted falling for someone who wasn't her, so yes, the envy and spite lived within her.

 

Yes, she confessed, she made Nayeon hers and she was awarded with an accepted heart. It was supposed to be so simple from that point, those beautiful eyes who only ever looked to Chaeyoung would look to her and would fall in love with her. Something had happened though, she knows it, and she feels it.

 

She won't lose though, Nayeon's hand was her reward for the pain and she wasn't going to give it away, even if it meant that she would continue to suffer, at least she won't be the only one this time.

 

-

-

 

Chaeyoung finds that Japan and Im Nayeon are a beautiful mixture, the eldest member works with a melodious hum and she can't un-notice it. She finds that time without noticing anything about her makes her hyper aware of every simple action. Though at times, her dark clouds resurface and of course it's at the moments of passing pecks and ten second back hugs. 

 

Her stomach with churn with ugliness and it's when she will jab her headphones in almost too painfully and play music at full volume so that in some hopes she can get lost in another world. Chaeyoung will walk herself to Tzuyu and Dahyun and with silent communication between the three of them, they squeeze her arms and pull her for a short walk to nowhere.

 

At the times when she draws, Mina will find her; her hands full of yarn and picks. They don't speak, it's a silent form of comfort that the older girl will give to her. Chaeyoung can tell that Mina wants to know, wants to know fully what had happened and what could be happening. She like Jihyo, although thankfully she pushes with soft stern eyes while her leader will glare at times, not liking the secrecy.

 

Momo and Sana help with that, they pull Jihyo before another step of intrusion is took because they know of how Chaeyoung can easily close off with too much pressure. They are the ones who act like they don't know of anything happening but they might know more than Chaeyoung even thinks.

 

Jeongyeon continues to be Jeongyeon and in a way that it seems a bit too much, as if she's pushing herself away from being concerned. While Nayeon will appear from corners, her light touches, soft whispers of appraisal of actions made through the passing day, and no matter if Chaeyoung will catch her, she will stare and take in the sight of her.

 

-

-

 

Nayeon finds herself on cloud nine, she goes day by day only to please herself. She knows that something is amiss with Jeongyeon and also knows of how Chaeyoung's eyes finally seem to get lost by her. It's the latter of the two that makes her not care enough to cater to Jeongyeon, instead she will always get a moment with Chaeyoung, to feel a patch of her skin, to hear the sharp intake of air at the surprise of whispered kind words, and to see the light shades of pink that will form by knowing of her watchful eyes.

 

Though, the glare of Jihyo is what causes her to cave, to let jeongyeon have light kisses, to hold her for short amounts of time, and to feel somewhat secure about what they have. Yet, she can see the despair in her longtime friends eyes. Her mind will tell her to comfort, to make her feel secure; yet her heart beats calmly and tells her to do nothing, that this is the only way that will make her understand.

 

She thinks that is what causes Jihyo to corner her on the last day in Japan, and with the demand of the truth, Nayeon gives her just that. Large eyes look back into hers full of unbelief as well as disappointment, she's told to cut it out and to do what is right for the sake of the group. Nayeon can only look to her with no emotion and respond with a half-assed nod. She can sense the anger that wants to dispel from her friend, but there is a facade to keep up with the other girls.

 

Jihyo leaves with a loud slam to shut her door and although it should make her feel sick to have upset one of her best friends, her heart again beats calmly, telling her that all will end well. 

 

Nayeon can only clutch onto her chest and silently hope that what it says is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter three, hopefully you will enjoy. I always see comments and they make my heart warm. thank you for all your kind words and giving me your thoughts. i appreciate it very much
> 
> always smile,   
> tae.

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to add more no worries. Have a really lovely day.


End file.
